ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
