I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
