Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
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