So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
