did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
