I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
