you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
