my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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