i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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