i just google imaged poop.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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