So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
