Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Your cock deserves a montage
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
