omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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