from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
