IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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