I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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