sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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