life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
