just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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