1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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