I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
