In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
