got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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