i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My ass is underappreciated
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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