Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
