my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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