I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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