shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
