i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Randomize
