The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
