Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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