Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
