She said her name was "party"
I feel great
I just peed on a car
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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