We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
