we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
