when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
