She is in my trunk
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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