You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
