I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
