I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
