I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
