I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
