Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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