But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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