dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
