I never want to see another naked old woman again.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
