Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
