how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
