my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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