You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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