hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
