i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
false alarm, still single
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
