i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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