Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
