For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
