Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
oh god the rape fog is back!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
