i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Randomize
