So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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